Hello everyone, my name is Alex Corona and I am Carrina’s son.
I have put off posting on the website because I didn’t want it to be an empty gesture (mums been asking me to post!) I wanted to do it when I had something to say and when I felt it was the right time.
I want to tell you all about Carrina and maybe provide some help, not only for those people suffering with cancer but those dealing with a loved one who is affected by it. As my Mum has told you, this is our second time round dealing with this and yes it is upsetting; Yes, it is frustrating and above all… it is frightening.
To be faced with the mortality of a loved one is heart- wrenching. My Mum is an amazing woman and I think the world of her, Its always been me and her against the world. I love my other family members, My Grandma is incredibly important to me, in fact in general, I think family is sacred and held above all in regard; family does not have to be tied to blood relations, I consider my closest friends as my family. So, to be reminded of how easily I could lose that, is just plain terrifying. I’m not sure how other feel, but I always thought my Mum was invincible. When you are young you look to your parents and loved ones as the stability in your life. It is only as I grew older and matured that I realised how much is sacrificed and how much anxiety is dealt with as a parent.
I respect my Mum immensely for everything she has done; she raised me almost by herself, my Dad wasn’t around but we had the support of my grandmother and grandpa. She has been through a lot in her life, and she has made her fair share of mistakes as we all have, but she has also accomplished much and more; she is smart, talented and funny and without her I would not be who I am today. Although this news has been hard, it seems unfair, I think if there is one thing I can take from this unfortunate event is that we are closer than ever. Sometimes in life we let things that are in the scheme of things unimportant, take presidency over our loved ones. Arguments about such menial things become exaggerated to the point of collapsing relationships. I have learnt to let go of these things… It isn’t easy, but with something like this….it’s the little things that make a big difference.
When I first found out about the cancer coming back, I was at university, and it hit me like a brick wall. I couldn’t believe it, I wouldn’t believe it, we had been through so much only for it to come back. Usually I consider myself to be a very level headed, positive logical person, but finding out this news broke every one of my barriers I had built. The stage of unknowing is the hardest but it is also the most crucial stage. If you give into self pity and anger, resentment all of these negative feelings, it will drag you down and your loved ones with it. So I called my mum and we talked about it, and I couldn’t hold back the tears. We talked about mortality and the possibility of death, that she wouldn’t be there for my graduation and more and I decided right then and there, I would not let it defeat us. We are a unit and together we would get through this. And so, since that day, I have made an effort to know everything I can and to be with her every step of the way.
It is very hard to understand the feelings that someone with cancer is going through and at times, I feel very alienated and resentful, but then I take a step back and stop thinking about myself and just try and listen. Its not easy to talk about these things, its even harder to listen without your own opinions butting in. When I say listening, I don’t just mean what they are saying, I mean truly listening to their very feelings. Once I did this, I was able to understand more of what my mum was going through, her hopes, her fears, her anxieties and I accepted everyone of them. I stopped making unneeded comments because of my own opinions and just listened.
I think I will leave it there for today and post some more tomorrow, I wanted it to be a surprise for Mum. I will let her tell you today’s news and maybe comment later.
To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the ‘music,’ but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning.
— Peter Senge