News that my friend’s daughter passed away after a long battle with cancer saddened me immensely yesterday. She was a young and brave warrior: now a beautiful angel free of pain and suffering. My heart goes out to her parents and family who are left with the void but I know that they will be celebrating her wonderful life and courage.
I ask myself if one can prepare for this eventuality – the loss of a loved one. After much soul searching I realise that there is a law of nature that makes death acceptable: the oldest should die first as they are seen to be the weakest and the ‘survival of the fittest’ rings true in this scenario. But here this is not the case; a young woman has been stripped of her life.
Part of me feels almost guilty to still be here battling on ….but I know this is just madness talking. It is during these times that I question the existence of a higher power or a God of any sort - but then I look around and realise how much of life is unfair. …..Suddenly it dawns on me that I am drifiting back to old patterns of behaviour and only seeing the negative when I should be grateful for all the positive elements in my own personal life. Unfortunately, these are the small things we take for granted each day: waking up to the light filtering through a blind; the heat of the sun on bare skin: the sound of rain dancing on a window pane ; the touch of a loved one and the smiles of strangers.
In my personal journey and sharing those of others with terminal illnesses, it appears that our greatest fear is not death itself, but the pain of those we leave behind. I often think about my death and indeed it is the thought of my son….. alone… that causes my eyes to well with tears.
But just for today I am here – today I am healthy - using this as a trampoline , I can continue to live and love. Today I am grateful for life.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Richard Bach,