Free again…..

Since my last entry on the blog,  I haven’t thought much about the cancer. Death and negative thoughts were buried under a veil of hope and love. A glimpse of what I used to consider a ‘normal’ life returned and I have felt safe in the realm of uncertainty.

Changing my thought pattern has been a real challenge and continues to be work in progress ( like all habits, hard to break) Trapped in a wheel of self pity and self hatred for so long I feel that a weight has finally been lifted through counselling, therapy and exploring a more spiritual side of myself that I always knew existed,  but that was lost through living a shallow and superficial existence for so many years .

Although the reason for counselling has primarily been the return of the cancer… it is clear that most of my fears stem from the past. In order to heal, I have had to unwrap the neat parcels I so carefully put away for many years: parcels of doubt, sadness and insecurities .  It is a continuing steep learning curve but necessary to explore if I am to beat this disease.

It is well documented that resentments, anger  and grief can contribute to the onset of many diseases including cancer. Our minds are a powerful tool….and as I have discovered,  also an extremely dangerous one : strong convictions and beliefs can often turn into reality . Essentially, in the most simplistic form,  we are what we think.

The day arrived that I had to attend the appointment for the pathology report after the operation. For some reason, as I entered the hospital, I was not afraid: Not one negative thought crossed my mind. For the first time,  I was not projecting the outcome of the meeting or indeed how many of the 15 nodes were positive for metastatic disease. For the first time,  I felt in some  odd way at peace and protected by something greater than myself.

Results:  ONLY THE ONE large node cancerous  1/15.  –

And so…….. am I to believe that all the work I have been doing  on my thought patterns has influenced this outcome ? Or am I to believe that this is purely a scientific result and nothing more than a clinical fact?

Perhaps, it is easier to believe that the medication I have been taking stopped the cancer from spreading, but deep inside of me,  I know that it was the power of my mind that kept it contained. No, I am not losing my sanity, just waking up and beginning to understand the gift that we all possess …. the energy of thought.

I am once again free of cancer …. NED ( No Evidence of Disease) as they call it in the forums. However, I must not become complacent as the beast awaits silently a time to raise its ugly head.  I must remain vigilant: take care of my soul and enrich my life in every possible way so that it remains in the shadows.

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.

Buddha (563 BC-483 BC) Founder of Buddhism.

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10 thoughts on “Free again…..

  1. Cara sono molto contenta di cio’ che hai scritto. Ora pero’ trova un po’ di pace interiore e goditi la vita oggi e in ogni momento . Tvb.

  2. Carrina: what a courageously worded blog-post, in so many ways: “Come out come out wherever you are”.

    I hear you girlfriend. I understand your struggle to shed the mask and become your authentic self. It’s unfortunate that so many of us believe that in order to be loved and accepted, we must hide or push down our true selves.

    The energy that stifling our true selves and living an inauthentic life requires, over the long term, is unsustainable. After many years of this unnatural and stressful behaviour? The organism tends to create dis-ease of some sort to alert the human mind. Our bodies physically manifest a wake-up call. (You figured that out, clever girl…)

    Most states of physical ‘disease’ can be reversed. Plenty of people decide they will do it, and then they… do it. (Yup, we humans are pretty awesome creatures!)

    And NO, you are NOT “losing your sanity”. Quite the contrary. It sounds to me like you are re-gaining your sanity, and brava for that! You go girl!

    If you’re concerned that certain people won’t be able to wrap their vapid little heads around the ‘new’ you? (* Gasp: The REAL Carrina?) Don’t be concerned about this. (*That’s the kind of thinking that gets us into these situations…)

    Slough off that dead skin. (*Loofah treatments just remove dead cells: very healthy!)

    As for any remaining energy vampires still lurking? Add loads of garlic (and ginger) to your diet which will surely help repel any life sucking “friends” as well as repair your immune system!

    Seriously though: I don’t know who came up with this stuff, it could well have been a Buddhist, but a long time ago I recall reading something which stuck in my mind lo these many years, and speaks to the potency of the human mind:

    Thoughts are ideas. Ideas are words. Words are things. Every thing can be created.

    (*That said: What we have the power to create? We have the power to destroy…)

    Which leads me to another thought here: Have you ever heard of “tapping”? (Click on that highlighted hyper-link. Hopefully I copied the html code correctly. If not just cut and paste the URL.)

    Simply repeat what Brad Yates is doing and saying! After a while? Create your own mantra in your own words. Words which you create and believe in.

    Bottom line: We are enduring Warrior Women, Carrina, you and I. Forces to be reckoned with. Remember Cortina? Remember Roma? I do.

    You are a little battle scarred now, but you’re still very much alive, vibrant, and continue to be a powerful force of nature. Of this I have no doubt. You’ve always had the innate smarts, mental strength and physical determination to tackle anything you ever set your mind on.

    That said: “In bocca al lupo” on the next leg of Carrina’s Excellent Adventure.

    Carpe Diem my dear old friend.

    XXX M

  3. I’ve read what you’ve written here about fear these past few months.

    Allow me to direct you to a video as well as a website which you might find useful and beneficial at this point in your journey:

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