It has been a while since I Iast sat down to write and although many times I have felt the urge, I have been unable to find the tranquillity and serenity to do so. This entry was inspired by watching Stand up to Cancer in television last week whilst visiting my mother in Spain. I had somewhat managed to distance myself from the disease : finding answers, travelling, strengthening and empowering my body and mind to achieve a balance again.
The program catapaulted me back into the grim reality of the world of cancer. I say grim because some of the stories were heart wrenching and as tears welled up in my eyes …. it humbled me. I am not special, or different or unlucky…. I am just one of those millions of people out there in a somewhat chaotic world just trying to stay on the planet.
Just listening to other people share their journeys to raise awareness and funds was enlightening. I became far more aware of the suffering and difficulties that family and friends face when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer – wanting and needing to help in some way is so important to them…. I say this because I didn’t quite understand this need for loved ones be part of the process …. the medical recovery and roller coaster of emotions that accompanies a diagnosis.
My immediate reaction in 2008 ( first diagnosis) was to try to show everyone how well I was coping: working throughout the gruelling chemotherapy regime; soldiering on through the radiotherapy. Why? What was I trying to prove? I answer that with a simple ‘denial’ . Trying to maintain some kind of status quo and sense of ‘normality’. What I didn’t realise was that this was reality….. and not allowing anyone close enough to share my innermost thoughts was a mistake. I didn’t have to do it alone. I can’t change the past but I can allow my friends and family closer this time.
It takes courage to fight a battle but it takes far more courage to shed the layers and let down the barriers that show our true selves – to share our feelings of despair but to grasp the hope that only the stronger people around us can bring.
There is a light in this world, a healing spirit more powerful than any darkness we may encounter. We sometimes lose sight of this force when there is suffering, too much pain. Then suddenly, the spirit will emerge through the lives of ordinary people who hear a call and answer in extraordinary ways