Sometimes I feel so superficial: Here I am worrying about my hair that is progressively thinning …. and I think to myself … “Wake up girl” you know you have been through a cancer jounrey, done the chemo … lost it all before, so why do you care?”
Our minds play silly games and can allow fears to re-surface taking us to hypothetical scenarios that may not even happen.
However hair loss is just one of the side effects of the new medication I have been taking the last 6 months ( Letrozole) but seems to have really kicked in the last couple of months; accompanied by incredible fatigue and joint pain which contribute to terrible mood swings. Managed to also tear my meniscus ( cartilage in knee) so hobbling around with thinning hair trying to avoid my reflection in the multitude of mirrors hanging silently on the walls. Maybe it is just the worrying going off on a tangent whilst waiting for these all telling `CT scan results. To soothe my anxiety, I then type away on a brand new Mac Air …. but still feel incredibly sorry for myself.
This just wont do…..
Recently I heard someone say “Be true to thine self” Reflecting on these words I realise that perhaps the spiritual journey I had started when rediagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in May, somehow slowly faded with the long summer days .
So now I need to reground myself… I have lost my way a little during the last few months and I am aware of a changing thought process. Old trains of thought squeezing their way through the walls of optimism that I had managed to construct. Time on your hands can play games with your mind as you ponder and fabricate the future. Really the only moment of any importance is NOW.
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~Buddha