find a silver lining ….

silver-lining-frank-garciarubioLet me just provide a quick explanation. This new throat cancer episode all started back in March 2013 but I was too ill with the therapy to post on my blog. I am now recovering,  albeit very slowly , post chemo and radio and have decided to bring the blog up to date.

Contrary to popular belief, cancers of the throat and neck have a very good prognosis if they are caught early and treated. I had Stage 4 tonsil cancer with spread into the base of tongue (there is no stage 5). This was not great and I knew it. I was sick with fear… but for some reason I couldn’t get over the hurdle of just accepting the news.I was so angry, frightened and depressed: I wouldn’t allow myself to see the light or a way out.

I mulled over that it was the one cancer  I always thought I would be most susceptible to. I had indulged in my early life (as my good cousin puts) and wondered if, by some karmic force, if it was time to pay back. Is this really how the world works?…. it made me think about the belief systems of different religions. I was looking for something to hold on to …. something to help me make sense of what was happening yet again.

Yes, I had binge smoked and binge drank at the weekends for most of my life from the age of 17, but then who doesn’t? Nevertheless, statistically I was still on the young side for this type of cancer, which usually presents itself in the latter decades( 60’s 70’s). Oddly enough, I had given up both smoking and drinking just over a year before…. clearly not soon enough. I was feeling so good …. so content with my life and I now all I felt were useless sentiments, “ Why me ?” ….  ….. well………… ‘why anyone’ ……is the answer to that.

However, almost immediately, I found my ’silver lining’ . This beam of hope which helped me during the initial phases. If this was a new primary tumour …. then technically, I did not have metastatic breast cancer, as the node in my neck last year pertains to the tonsil/throat cancer. Therefore, one can reason that, I am a 5 years survivor of breast cancer. HOORAY!!!

Although this is great news, I should have known last year, so shame on the doctors for ignoring the clear signs of the new primary tumour. This is worthy of a separate blog entry as I can explain the series of events as they unfolded.

“If clouds are blocking the sun, there will always be a silver lining that reminds me to keep on trying.” 

Matthew Quick

7 thoughts on “find a silver lining ….

  1. You write so beautifully you leave me hungering for more…. keep healing, grow stronger each day..
    you have won another battle..xxxx

  2. Ciao Carrina, non so se ho capito tutto quello che hai scritto sia a livello di comprensione del mio inglese, sia a livello emotivo. Ho capito, ma lo sapevo già, che sei una super donna, forte, piena di vita e di energia positiva e questo ti farà andare avanti e ti farà sconfiggere questa ennesima battaglia contro il cancro. Ce la farai anche con il bene e le energie positive che le persone che ti vogliono bene ti infoderanno per darti forza. E anche un commento sul blog può aiutare. Dai, dai, dai! Con tantissimo affetto, your niece, Valeria

  3. Ciao Carrina, non so se ho capito tutto quello che hai scritto sia a livello di comprensione del mio inglese, sia a livello emotivo. Ho capito, ma lo sapevo già, che sei una super donna, forte, piena di vita e di energia positiva e questo ti farà andare avanti e ti farà sconfiggere questa ennesima battaglia contro il cancro. Ce la farai anche con il bene e le energie positive che le persone che ti vogliono bene ti infoderanno per darti forza.
    E anche un commento sul blog può aiutare. Dai, dai, dai! Con tantissimo affetto, your niece, Valeria

  4. Non sapevo esattamente cosa fosse accaduto, insomma mi sembra una cattiva notizia e una buona notizia, ma poi anche la cattiva notizia in fondo è buona…:) sei riuscita probabilmente a prendere in tempo le tonsille e la gola. Dal punto di vista più “filosofico”, non saprei cosa dire, credo molto negli equilibri universali, ma credo molto anche alla casualità delle cose, il caso, che per molti non è poi sempre “il caso” gira come la fortuna. Intanto un forte abbraccio! xxx

  5. Such a great title :) I hope you are feeling a lot better, I am sure you will win your battle with this terrible disease. Keep fighting and never give up! Sending positive thoughts your way,stress is something that makes your body week,it makes the body sick. If you ever need to talk day or night please don’t hesitate to let me know. Most important take care of you, the rest will take care of itself xxx

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