First time round….

It can be done!

Trying to describe my feelings when I was first diagnosed is impossible. To cast my mind back to that day is almost too painful as in some way life changed forever. Life would never be the same, I thought. But I was wrong….. life did get back to ‘normal’ and although the ‘seed’ of breast cancer had been sown in my body, I was able to continue with my life as I had known it before.

All the physical signs of the harsh chemical agents began to wear off and although a few aches and pains from tamoxifen, I was ALIVE.

I had opted for a ‘lumpectomy’  followed my radiation as my surgeon assured me that the risks, in my case, were the same as having a mastectomy. The ravages of radiation and surgery were evident but they were so unimportant at the time. My son was 15 and studying hard for exams and all I wanted to do was maintain some kind of ‘status quo’ for him.  I had brought him up alone and the news was devastating……. all I could do was think of him and I would feel sick inside.

I am not sure if he internalised his feelings, but we put up a brave fight and soldiered through all the treatments, even painting his bedroom a rather bright coloured orange!!  I was determined to show how strong I was and continued to work as much as I could throughout. ( teacher) I felt full of self pity, anger and resentment and harnessed these to help me battle through.

I now realise that perhaps the first time round was a ‘wake up call’ …….. a knock at the door of my life to make some long awaited changes that were making me so unhappy. I did not listen or act.

This time round……….. I am


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